trekwriter151: (enterprise)
[personal profile] trekwriter151
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't make money off 'em.

Notes: This is written in the same style as "Raining Coconuts", almost completely in dialogue. Can you guess what's going on, and who's speaking? (Hint: Two are obvious. One isn't, but the person is in ENT canon.)

There's also a small reference to the new Doctor Who series 5 on BBC. If you're familiar with it, you'll know it when you see it.

Rating: T (for innuendo and bad language)

Please R&R Thanks! I had fun writing this!

"I can't believe this."

"The color is aesthetically pleasing..."

"It's a dress."

"It's a small piece of stretchy fabric. It is not a dress. There's got to be an extra piece missing or something."

"Let me look through the box again, but I'm pretty sure that was all there was...ah, found it. I think."



"Well, at least they provided undergarments. Cute. And they included shoes."

"How the hell am I supposed to walk in those?"

"How are you supposed to wear those?"

"Perhaps they installed anti-gravity lifts in the bottoms of the shoes."

"Those stilettos are really narrow, T'Pol. Those have to be some pretty tiny anti-grav lifts."

"Think I can ask for some emergency cosmetic surgery?"

"It's a little late for that, Captain."

"I can't pull this off. Not like you and T'Pol can. I am not wearing this in public."

"The Aharions appreciate the female form, Captain."

"You know what they say, 'if you've got it, flaunt it.'"

"Oh, for God's sake...fine. Jonathan's going to laugh when he sees me in this thing."

"I am certain that Captain Archer will not laugh. He may be a bit unsettled, perhaps, but..."

"Unsettled. Right."

*sounds of fabric being pulled off and silk being put on, accompanied with a lot of unprintable swearing*

"I do not understand the Captain's reticence in wearing the Aharions' native dress. Isn't the saying, "When in Rome...?"

"I don't think it's necessarily the dress, T'Pol. It's the fact that she has to wear it in front of Captain Archer."

"Ah. Is that in reference to their previous relationship?"

"Yeah. I think she's embarrassed to be seen in this dress. Though I can understand why. It's a bit drafty."

"Drafty. The air currents will allow us to maintain a constant body temperature in the Aharion sun."

"I wasn't referring to the practicality of it. It's just that Humans females can feel a bit modest in front of Human males. Let's just say...these dresses don't leave much to the imagination and we can be self-conscious of what we look like. Put a bunch of women together and we start comparing ourselves to each other."

"So this is the Human emotion of vanity? And pride?"

"I guess. It's something that we aren't necessarily proud of, but-"

"It is not a constructive emotion...but it is still an understandable one." *pause* "So the captain is self-conscious about her appearance in front of her lov--"

"Yes, I think so."

"Are you feeling similar misgivings about Lieutenant Reed?"

*hesitant pause* "Ah...maybe a little."

"The lieutenant also appreciates the female form. I doubt you have any reason to feel embarrassment or shame."

"Um...thanks. I think. You know, I think Commander Tucker might appreciate you in this thing, though."

"I would be surprised if he didn't."

"You'll have to scrape him off the floor."

"The Aharion sun is warm, but I don't think that Commander Tucker will stick to the pavement at the sight of me."

"It's a figure of speech, T'Pol. It means that he'll be so surprised, you'll have to prod him into action."

"Action? Are you referring to what occurs after the Aharion signing ceremony? I do not believe such 'scraping' is necessary."

"Uh...never mind. I won't comment on that."

*sound of the click-click of very high heels*

"Okay, ladies. Feel free to laugh. I'm gonna break an ankle walking on these things."

"You appear aesthetically pleasing."

"Wow. Just wow. Captain, you look stunning."

"As long as it's 'stunning' and not 'stunned'."

"Well, maybe a little bit of that too."

"I have confidence that you will be a more than adequate representative for Columbia, Captain."

"Yeah, I feel like Starfleet's rep for kiss-o-grams. Or hookers."

"You'll knock 'em for a loop, Captain. I'm sure of that."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ensign."

"I suppose it's time to go out and knock 'em dead."

"Excuse me, Captain Hernandez?"

"Another figure of speech, T'Pol. All right, let's go out and do this."

"Very well. I must admit, the light salmon color of your outfit is-"

*a chorus* "Aesthetically pleasing. We know."


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